Part 1: She Knows He Knows

He touched her finger that was still pointed at his chest, "Still manage to scare the day out of me, I see." She smiled. Too sweetly. "Are you trying to get us killed? Not a good day to die, you say?".

How To Cross Road In Margonda

Somebody should publish this kind of booklet long before I even got enrolled in University of Indonesia. Duh! 1. If there's eventually a traffic light for passerby, please DO pay attention. It's not there for decoration purpose (only).

Dream High

Once upon a time, in one particular high school, lived one particular girl student. Let's call her Suzy. Not only that she got the looks, she also had the wealth and singing talent and lots of antis. All things other girls could only imagine.

Story From Far Java

On my last visit to Jogja (seriously this city has something captivating), I happened to visit Kraton Ngayogyakarta Hadiningrat and Kraton Surakarta in one-day-trip to Solo.

Letting Go

The big question of letting go bugged my mind around these last couple of months. Some things.. are they worth to keep, or should I let them go. Think I'm pretty good of letting things go, but when inputs and comments started to coming in, I'd have to reconsider my decision.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Mamaku

Kemaren malem cerita2 ama nyokap gue, udah lama banget ngga cerita2 bareng dia padahal dia udah di jakarta lebih dari 1 bulan =(
Abisnya gue suka pulang malem and langsung tidur... *sigh*

Anyway, kemaren cerita2 tentang anak2nya yang notabene termasuk gue =)
Kalo dipikir-pikir dari sudut pandang orang luar, nyokap gue adalah nyokap yang sangat beruntung karena di saat keadaannya kaya sekarang ini, dua anak terbesarnya berhasil masuk PTN terkenal di Indonesia (iyalah, gue UI and ade gue ITB gtu =P)

Bukannya nyombong, tapi beneran nyokap gue pasti keliatan keren banget di mata temen2nya, apalagi dengan status jandanya yang udah lama and ngga punya penghasilan tetep, ternyata anak2nya bisa ngebanggain dia (Amiin)

Duuh, kemaren itu sebenernya gue udah ngga enak ati ama nyokap gue, IP gue pas2an banget, mayoritas C and ada yang ngulang segala, bahkan ampe sekarang gue ngga jelas lahan pekerjaan gue di mana and sebenernya gue capable ngga sih untuk kerja kaya gitu???

Ya gitu deh, selintas nyokap gue ngarepin anak2nya bisa ngerubah kehidupan keluarga gue, bisa bikin status kami meningkat (kaya apaan aja =D), well...actually i'm a bit touched by her words...gue pengeeen banget nyenengin hati nyokap gue dengan materi, Ok mungkin kedengerannya ngga banget sih, cuman yaa pengen aja. Gue nyadar nyokap gue pasti juga udah seneng dengan keadaan gue dan ade2 gue yang bisa jadi topik yang bisa dibanggain di antara temen2nya, but still...gue pengen nyokap gue sekali aja ngerasain hidup lebih nyaman and lebih mapan aja.

Maybe someday gue bakal mempersembahkan sesuatu buat nyokap gue, dengan segala yang udah gue lakuin, yang nyusahin hati beliau (mungkin, eh??mungkin??) yang kadang2 kurang ajar banget udah marah2 and sampe ngebentak-bentak (dulu siih, maap, Ma) mungkin dengan itu gue bisa berasa udah membalas budinya nyokap gue, duuh...jadi sedih juga...

Usia gue udah 20, tapi apa sih yang pernah gue kasih ama nyokap gue???

Monday, September 27, 2004

week end

A self reducing, that's exactly what I called myself during these few days =(
Udah makin lama jadwal saya makin padat, trus jadi beneran apa2 pulang jam 5-6an sore, belon lagi rapat dmana-mana yang kadang2 butuh bolos di tengah2 kuliah *sigh*
Capek, badan saya pegal2, euy...pulang2 tepar and sekalinya liburan (Minggu doang lagi) langsung tidur blek...
Ah, actually ada yang mengganggu pikiran, well, not 'mengganggu' juga sih, cuma it tickled my mind a bit, humm...udah ah...
Btw, MTV ajang ajeng itu seru abis rek, i'm astonished about how they treated their surrounding =)
Marah2 cuma gara2 masalah sepele kaya ada yg suka ngomong vokal bisa berantem gede, marah2 gara2 berasa ada yg over acting di depan kamera padahal siapa tau dienya biasa2 aja eh bisa cakar2an, bleh...the point is..they're girls in common =S
Thank God gue ngga kaya gitu, ngga pernah ngomongin orang, ngga pernah mikir hal negatif ttg orang2 =) Huehehe, sounds like i'm a bit too arrogant, huh??Tapi yah emang bener...lha semua orang di mata gue bae2 aja =D
Kalo gue lagi sensi ama seseorang juga, ngga sampe 3 jam udah baek lagi =) Ah, senangnya become me ^__^
Btw, yang ngga banget dari MTV ajang ajeng yang barusan gue tonton adalah, adegan Pia bersama laptopnya (dia mirip ladya cherill ato gue doang yak yang berasa gitu?). Dia ngomong kaya gini, "Iya, jadi ini ada tugas kuliah gitu de, programming...gue make C++, ngubah2 dari Celcius ke Fahrenheit.." Dalam hati gue ngomong, "buset dah, kaga ada ya satu hari aja gue lepas dari istilah2 yang ngubungin gue ama dunia IT???Even on MTV???"
Ampun ampun... -_-

Serious Talk
What would you expect from a your romance life?? Haha, after i collected my friend's opinion, i think the best love life goes on like this...
1. You had a secret admirer who keep encouraging and supporting you without you to find out.
2. You had an affair exactly before your wedding without ruin the wedding itself.
3. You got married with a person your parent's chosen for you, without love and by the time goes by, you'll learn how to live with that person and how to adjust yourself, to comprehend each other, to accept each other's differences, and in the end, you'll know that you already fell in love with that person. Isn't that sweet??

Well, this is obviously not a normal love life, but I'm kinda adoring it =) how lucky those who experienced it themself.

Sayangnya, ada juga love-life-that-not-go-so-well menurut versi saya =) and here is the nominee...
1. You became a secret admirer for a person who thought that you're not even exist, or consider you only as a so-called-friend.
2. You fall in love with a person who will get married the day after.
3. You fell in love with a person who had been 'matched' by the parent.

Curhat
Sebenernya setelah dipikir-pikir, gue agak ngga yakin mau nulis ttg yg gue rasain di blog kaya gini =(
I dunno...privacy, perhaps? Pas dibaca ulang, ada hari2 yang nyakitin hati buat dibaca ulang, ada yang pas dibaca kayanya bisa bikin orang laen ngga enakan, dll.
I really dont wanna be the major cause of all that, sebisa gue...gue pengen jadi inspirasi positif buat temen2 gue and sapa aja yang baca ini, but again...this IS a privacy blog, isn't it? =(

Hell, anyway, I want to share my feeling today. Gue kadang2 pengen jadi kaya salah satu temen gue yang punya pengaruh gede ke lingkungannya (including me), tanpa sepengetahuannya dia. Keren aja yah? Dia jadi contoh teladan buat gue gara2 semua perbuatan dan perkataannya bener2 bikin gue kagum, sekalipun sometimes itu tuh rada2 beda sendiri ama yang laen. *sigh*

Friday, September 24, 2004

Nice weather

Hari ini saya pergi ke kampus dengan sukacita =D Soalnya tadi pas di bus ada cowo cakep banget di sebelah gue, udah gitu pas gue lirik (cieeh, evaluator!) kayanya Gading! Buset, kaget kan gue??? Gading mana cakep coba?? =D
Anyway...setelah kurang lebih satu jam berlalu, cowo ini..ternyata wangi =D huahahaha, norak banget de gue, kan gue tidur gitu loh, jadi baru nyadar pas gue udah nyampe Margonda ^^
Tidak hanya itu saja, di barel tadi bahkan orang2 yang berseliweran ternyata lucu2 and wangi2 =D Senang saya x)

Anyway, kemaren malem (beh, pulang malem lagi?) abis cerita2 ternyata proposal ditolak, duh...katanya sih gara2 kurang nyatu aja kata2 orang2 yang pada ngajuin proposal ituh =( Yaah, kapan ya bakal di-approve ama yang di atas??
*sigh*

Hoh, mabim n MK segeralah berlalu, saya lelah T_T (kalo gue aja lelah, gimana POnya coba?)

btw, napa ya...ternyata setelah dipikir-pikir, keuanganku terasa berat =( bleh...kapan neh punya gaji sendiri? mana kapan itu gue nolak lagi wawancara LO, wadooo...parah...

Thursday, September 23, 2004

T_T

waw, saya terharu sekali...
after what i called a three-tiring hours =( finally i came up with an idea, why don't i use my database project assignment as the basic CSS for this one? Blah, after all, I just realize that they're both using the exact matching color..TERRACOTTA for God's sake! -_-
Duh!

mindah2in ...

pengen pindah2 dari livejournal ke sini :D Apa daya terasa malessss banget, hehehe...mending yang ini gue pake buat nulis2 cerita2 gue ajah...hohoho

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Dilemma

Yesterday i went to a wedding =D Kinda nu experience for me since I never had to wear those kebaya (forgive me for my lack of vocab, will ya?) and high heels (though not that high =P). Hahaha, between joy and suffer, I kept my self steady until the end of that event, and after that, I had a creambath =D Kinda reverse, huh? Bodo amat =D The thing is, my mood back to normal after a though days before =) Fufufu (^_^)y~
That was a silly day, honestly, cause at first I was so embarassed I almost refused to see my friend's face, padahal dia yang bikin pesta (well, bonyoknya siih) Ngga banget kan?Hahahaha...udah ah, lupain...
Anyway, my recent dilemma is ... should I go to that interview or NOT??
let's list the adv and the disadv...first...I'm definetely sure I won't be accepted to that job since I had no skill in foreign language (except for english and a tiny germany...and when I said tiny...I do mean it). Second, I dont even know where the interview will take place...hohoho, silly me! The third is...I had a class to attend T_T and not to mention it's a full day, 8 am - 4 pm...and the last thing is...let's pretend I actually get the job (beh...), well, I had an MK on the three first days of that job!!! x( damn...so ironically I still coudn't go either...The only reason I was so eager to the interview is...I'll had an experience about interviewing...WHICH I never had...but oh well...never mind...

Saturday, September 18, 2004

EvaluaSi

yesterday was a day of drama...really spent my whole energy...
gue kemaren ngalamin 'pancaroba' suasana hati and mood, mulai dari sebelum evaluasi yang gue nervous karena gue pertama kali korlap, trus evaluasi yang gue marah banget karena 2004 sucks! angkatan paling malas sedunia, ngga kepikiran napa bisa secuek and semales itu x( tanda tangan seangkatan ngga mau nyari, tanda tangan senior ngga mau nyari, yel2 ngga ada gerak, buku angkatan masih berupa disket, baksos yang kumpul rapat angkatan cuma 30 orang, wuih, kalo diinget-inget lagi jadi bikin gue emosi lagi! Trus mood gue jadi kecewa and felt hopeless and angry soalnya waktu itu kita ngga bole marah2, ngga bole keras ama maru padahal keliatan hasilnya udah gini...damn SC! trus ada tekanan lagi ama senior, gara2 yel2 ngga beres, gara2 kita diem aja padahal yel2 mereka dah ngga beres, gara2 kita ngga ngumumin ada evaluasi segala, ugh...pala gue mumet dah!
Udah gitu, pas rapat evaluator, there's one significant thing yang bikin gue nangis, gila...nih masalah mabim n MK bener2 bikin pala panas and cape hati, tau ngga???Evaluator itu serba salah, diremehin and dikacangin ama dua pihak, atas bawah, gimana sih caranya biar mereka bisa ngeh kalo kita tuh mau yang terbaik ama mereka...parah, cape banget....
Pas rapat evaluator kemaren, pas semua orang udah ngga emosi and palanya dah dingin, kita ngomong bareng2, bener2 internal evaluator doang, ckckck...jarang2, bahkan rapat aja ngga pernah selengkap itu dan semua orang ngedengerin apa yang orang lain omongin...ckckck...
anywaaay, hasilnya at least bagi gue udah lumayan, evaluator udah 'sehat' lagi, udah baik lagi and kita semua udah satu visi lagi...well, i kinda loved my evaluator team yang udah numpahin uneg2 and mau curhat bareng itu =)
Trus pas rapat angkatan, kita jadi sharing ama mentor, kita jadi tau sebenernya mentoring udah ngapain aja, jadi ngga ada salah paham kalo mentoring itu bener2 lembek banget sampe nilai2 yang udah cape2 ditanamin di evaluasi itu jadi blur...well, at least for me they'll change...wadi ampe sepet banget tampangnya pas dibilangin ... well, kasarnya mentoring ngga kerja...maap ya, Wad...
Deeeuh, gue jadi aga2 ilfeel ama maRu, napa ya?
ngga bakal deh gue jadi korlap lagi, ngga bakal, sakit ati banget....ugh, cape2in aja...jago juga Dipo and Ramot mau jadi korlap mulu...beh...
Ngomong2, lagu 'hey, julie' ini lucu yah? saya suka, hehehe....

hey julie look what you're doing to me
try to keep me up, try to wear me down...

Ah, bener2 males kuliah nih...mana chargeran dibawa ama nyokap gue segala lagi...

Friday, September 17, 2004

MabiM

These days I felt tired... I dunno, it seems exhausted for me, again and again talking n discussing about that 'thing' =|
I don't really get it, what's so difficult about accepting sumtin different from you?? It's past, man...it's over, but they're keep showing it and made it a 'topic' AGAIN...duh, I felt tired.
Gue kadang2 serba salah deh, I know that they were right at one point, but puh-lease -_- we're not that wrong anyway. Who's to blame? Whose fault is this? How come my batch always is the bad side, the wrong one, the rebel and the most be-judged batch? I'm so damn tired....
Topik ini, khusus topik ini, selalu jadi bahan yang sensitif di angkatan gue. Mulai dari gue masuk ke kampus 'tercinta' Fasilkom ini, sampai sekarang!! Sampai gue jadi senior yang nge-mabimin orang...bayangin aja, sampai sekarang angkatan gue masih jadi angkatan kontroversial di anak2 atas...
"2002? Oh, pantes..." What the heck???
Kadang-kadang gue bisa mati rasa ngedengerin itu semua, especially kalo yang ngungkit orang2 yang itu juga, but...when I knew that my respectable motivator also underestimated my batch...hell, I was so upset =|
Siapa sih yang bikin angkatan gue jadi angkatan yang di-sensi-in anak2 atas??
Aren't these supposed to be their responsibility??? Mereka yang nge-mabimin gue gitu loh, tapi mereka juga yang mojokin angkatan gue, mereka yang suka nyindir angkatan gue, and the most annoying thing was...mereka tuh yang ngga pernah mau nge-reach angkatan gue abis MK!
Semuanya berdiri sendiri2, jalan sendiri2, ngelompok2, padahal gue udah respect ama perkataan mereka, udah mikir kalo emang angkatan gue udah kelewatan, but gara2 ini...gara2 mereka yang kadang2 menurut gue plin-plan banget, ngga bisa ngeliat sesuatu dari sudut pandang yang berbeda...heck, bahkan ngga bisa lepas dari tradisi bodoh yang nganggep anak baru kalo belon ikut MK itu bukan anak Fasilkom, gue jadi panas!
Emang susah ya kalo 20 anak itu ngga ikut MK? Salah siapa tuh? Introspeksi dong! Gara2 siapa angkatan gue jadi ngga respek ama senior? Salah siapa coba? Siapa yang dulu2 ngina2 angkatan gue segitunya ampe semua kosa kata makian dikeluarin? Siapa yang dulu demen banget ngancem nge-skip angkatan gue (heck. I even know that it was just a threat! at least at first...) sampe kita semua berasa dalem (believe me, it was just not good when you were threaten to be skipped while you've done the best thing you could do, damn it!!)
Ah, jadi emosi gini gue =(
Dulu, masa2 mabim itu masa2 menyenangkan buat gue (despite evaluasi terkutuk di Lt.4, thank you!), masa2 dimana gue bisa kenalan ama satu angkatan, bisa nyari2 tau wajah senior, bisa ngeburu ttd senior rame2 sampe ke kost2an, bisa kerja angkatan bareng bikin maket...seru aja waktu2 itu, time when we're not worried about job, salary and the future, just enjoying being cared by our so-called senior. Diajarin gimana cara survive di Fasilkom, gimana kita kerja kelompok bareng, diajarin gimana nyapa penghuni Fasilkom...until one moment...they were all ruined it...
Began with that damn evaluation by so-called alumni 9* yang ngeluarin kata2 kasar ampe kata2 kaya bitch, najis, dll yang bikin kuping panas...and puncaknya sebagian anak2 jadi keluar mabim. I don't blame them though, sapa juga yang senang kalo angkatan lo dikatain kaya gitu dalam suatu masa pembimbingan...masa yang notabene lo masih ngga ngerti how the system worked...
Dan yang bikin tambah parah, ngga ada yang ngebelain angkatan gue kecuali beberapa tetua2 n PO mabim n MK...
Since then, apa2 yang dilakuin angkatan gue selalu ngga bener di mata anak2 atas...
You wrote the wrong thing in forum, bam, you'll get warning! Even just for a simple one-liner thing...dan yang paling nyebelin, nanti bakal ada kata2 kaya gini, "emang gitu sih angkatannya, ngga ada yang ngajarin ya???"
Sekalinya ada satu orang yang ngga ngenalin dosen, woohoo...forum bakal rame..."ngga ada yang mau kenal ama dosennya! Jelaslah, seniornya aja ngga mau dikenal! Diajarin apa sih di mabim??" KUTU!!!
Giliran angkatan gue bikin acara, trus iklannya disebar di forum, siiiing...semua sunyi senyap! Ngga ada yang ngerespon as if they were all blind and daft and suddenly gone. Just like that!
It's kinda a new slogan, "when 2002 made mistakes, bantai! When 2002 did a success event...well, it's normal so we had nothing to say (nor compliment, it's just natural, they're supposed to do like that!)"
Gila, gue pengen marah aja!!!!
Angkatan gue adalah angkatan simalakama =(
Ngga lancar di urusan perizinan mabim oleh dosen2 and dekanat karena dianggap belon berubah dari taun2 lalu, dan di sisi lain dibenci anak2 atas karena kita beda sendiri...
Great! What a great year!
I really2 hope that my batch won't treat our junior the same kind as they were treating us...we'll make sumtin different this year, lads! I promise you!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Mad...

Oookay...ternyata reaksi pada diri saya aga2 lambat...kira2 2-3 jam baru ngeh =D
Oh My God...hahaha...lumayan seneng juga sih, but I dunno, honestly I don't really understand what kinda feeling I had for now on =(
Biasa-biasa aja n berasa dah lama banget alias kinda jaded gitu kali yak? *sigh*
And today...well, the most unexpected thing happened =( She told me that I'm a scary senior T_T wow, I mean...I didn't really mean that =(
Okay, alright, perhaps I was a bit carried away during the last evaluation, but that because they're made me upset for ignoring such significant event as graduation!!! I mean...hey, what would you feel when your graduation moment got ruined by such a spoiler juniors?? See? I'm acting rational and logical here...

Saturday, September 11, 2004

depressed

In numerical analysis, the numerical stability of a method describes how that method responds to the differences between the calculation and the function being approximated. In a stable method, the errors due to the approximations get damped out as the computation proceeds. In an unstable method, any errors in processing get magnified as the calculation proceed. Unstable methods quickly generate garbage and are useless for numerical processing.

blah blah blah...

can you even understood what the heck was it?? -_-
get dizzy easily lately, aren't I??
o maaan... i miss him ... kinda -_- but ... oh well, who cares anyway??? (I do, damn it!!)

Thursday, September 9, 2004

Yuki Kaori

i'll quote the recent manga i read written by yuki kaori sensei m(_._)m
"if i can heal the blood that flows from that crown of thorns, even just a little...
then i don't mind being your treasured doll..."
Oh, damn..that was deep, honestly...especially when u know what the story tells about =)

Saturday, September 4, 2004

Ahahaha...

Sorry, but i HAD TO write these on indonesian ^^ Tino NGGA BANGET, gw baru aja baca2 postingannya dia di forum gw and gue ngakak, gw kutip deh...
"ketika ku berjalan... seorang jelita menatapku..
kutatap balik, beradu pandang cukup lama...
dia pun tersenyum..
mungkin aku adalah tipenya?
ternyata..

she's looking at my hair.."

HAHAHAHAHA.....fyi, my dear friend Tino ini adalah seorang Afroman =D

anyway, tadi baru aja ngelatih untuk yg terakhir kalinya MC buat wisuda besok..huhuhu, napa ya acara wisuda kaya gini selalu bikin saya sensian jadi orang...wisuda yang lalu juga gw kecewa banget, padusnya jelek T_T padahal wisuda kemaren itu yang bikin anak2 angkatannya gue and yang diwisuda ituh...ada yang bener2 ngaruh di kehidupan kampus gue, well, not in romantique way but he had affected me a lot, and he's the senior i adored so much...wisuda yang ini, ada banyak senior2 gue yang gue bener2 hormatin and kagumin...tapi kayanya...gimana ya? di saat gue lagi nge-mabimin anak orang...gue malah kaya ngga ada pengaruh buat bikin acara yang bagus as my present(the last one) for 'em =(

Yesterday, i see him when i walked from my friend's kost2an ^^
Oh My God!!! Him, after i thought i would never EVER see him again...oh maan....
I was so embarassed I can't even see his face straight with my own eyes >_< I saw into another direction instead, hiks...