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My Dearest Mind

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My state of mind these days is amazingly random and volatile. I often overthink about things I usually never think about. I was bothered by things that normally wouldn't bother me at all. I snapped out often, and thanks to the life coach training I took years ago, I am very much aware of the different emotions passing through my mind, even at present times. I can feel my blood is rushing, my heart is beating faster and the cold dark vengeance is running through my vein.

Whenever I feel a bit stressed out, I am acutely aware of how I breathe. I can feel the way I inhale and exhale, and sometimes the sound of it soothes me. I am also more aware of how my stress triggered my gout, or how it made my head ache. I can feel the panic attack whenever it started to rise, and how I just breathe and think of something else to take my mind out of it.

I got upset over immaterial topic and not even a valid source of concern. Once I had doubts about my leadership skill and whether I can lead or…

How are you? I am fine, thank you

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Here we are, approximately years after the last post in this blog. A lot has changed. My relationship, my family, my work, my career. My point of view.

How are you?
Are you doing well?
Funny how things are progressing. From the time I enjoyed the work I've done to nowadays when I'm in this limbo of deciding whether I actually want to try another field or not. From my carefree perspective of wanting to have money, to the state where I have the money but I still felt insecure. From the normal life of having a parent, to losing them. From the two years relationship to new blossoming one. 
I guess it's called life, and if it's never flat, then it means we are living.

Grey Area Called Truce

Part 1 can be seen here http://indigowine.blogspot.co.id/2012/04/part-1-she-knows-he-knows.html?m=1
They walked in brisk pace as if they were in pursuit. Of something called foolishness? Potentially. 
He took a sudden turn into a gangly looking alley behind a local fruit stall, unseen from the wary eyes, unless of course those eyes are specifically looking for it. 
"Nice place you got here, M."
The hint of sarcasm was not missed. He brushed it off and kept walking, gave a subtle nod to the guy in the fruit stall, and suddenly several boxes of pineapples oranges and melons were being neatly stacked behind them, blocking their way in. Or out?
She stole a glimpse of shady dark windows above their head, looking damp and miserable. How can she never realize there is this slum part of  Rogue, the city well known for its shiny appearance?
"It's interesting," she remarked.
"What is?"
"How you look like you belong here, after only five minutes ago you looked like…

The Day I Stepped Onto Another Continent Called.. Europe

So one thing that I remember from my junior high was this assignment where you should draw a HUGE map on a certain continent, and I got Europe for mine.

I loved it. I studied the countries in it. I wished I can visit and see how they live. I become the dreamer that I am today.

And my wish came true. I visited Europe last September 2017. So yay me!

Anyhoo.. Europe is amazing, in a sense that their cities are so highly affected by arts. Sculptures are everywhere. Big architectural buildings, preserved from old ancient times (and roads too, for that matter), making you feel so damn humbled and amazed. The lake, the sky, the traffic, the culture, the lifestyle .. molto bene!

Paris

This is the first city I stepped on. I have no expectations to be honest, so I enjoyed this city a lot. Aside from the shock due to the Euro quoted price on stuff, I largely enjoyed everything, from hearing the people talk, the stinking metro, Eiffel and all those shopping avenues. To be honest, walking around …

Catatan The Explorer

Explorer? Me? Nah! Traveler paling malas sedunia lebih tepatnya, males nenteng backpack berat, males naik tangga, males bangun pagi, males tidur malem, males kejar2 itinerary dan list to-be-seen di suatu kota. Tapi paling hobi keluar Jakarta. Kalau ada assignment luar Jakarta (misalnya Depok wkwk) pasti gw bakal selalu unjuk2 jari (tapi entah mengapa jarang kepilih 😢)kayanya kurang keahlian memanah hati bos-bos, atau kurang dianggap cowo (which is DUH, ya pastilah, kadar estrogen gw kan tinggi sangat)
Anyway keluar Jakarta itu (atau ke luar domisili di mana pun gw berada) buat gw selalu menyenangkan. Why? Karena i enjoy people-watching activities. Kalo gw maen di Game of Thrones, mungkin gw adalah naganya (ya kali). I mean gw bakal jadi Watchers of The Wall. (Sambil berpikir kayanya job desc kurang nyambung ama minat,  like always)
People watching is interesting because i always come into the same conclusion. 
(1) Di mana2 semuanya adalah sama. Orang Arab yang hidungnya mancung2 dan put…

My Past Month

Apparently when you plan for something, it usually will not work, not immediately. At least that was what usually happened in my case.

I planned to be able to drive, so I took a driving course. Thinking that I might be able to slip one or two days of work into driving classes. But then, real life happened. By the second class, I was a bit tired and bored, because all I did was to conquer the fuckin road bump (apa sik bahasa inggrisnya Polisi Tidur?). Then I guess I would only be able to finish the whole class by next month, a bit late than what I expected.

However.

Another thing that I applied for was actually being granted. A bit easier than I thought. And by that I mean its most annoying part was to get my photo taken.

Yep, my 'Murica visa. Yay! A visa with no clear plan of traveling there. Thank you my lovely office for limiting my annual leaves.

What else? Oh yeah, I did buy that IPhone 5S. Resulting in me having two fuckin phones. Because I'm so fuckin cheapo, that'…

One too many

Never thought that I will ever think about this stuff in my entire life. What if I had one too many options than I can handle. That is ridiculous. I also think that it may be because I just don't know how to say no. But to which, hell if I know.

This is frustrating, indeed. To be or not to be. To choose or not to choose, or to keep instead. Gah.

Should I or should I not. Letting go of one and keeping the others? But I will be broken in either case. I know I will. That will hurt in some way, so am I ready to feel that? I have never been in this situation before, this new and challenging situation. I feel like a selfish person, wanting to grasp both. What a child. What a child.

Let me contemplate over this for few moments later. I am still allowed, ain't I? So I can make up my mind, making peace with my heart, letting go my feelings, and accept that I will make a hurtful decision.

Each one of them has their own strong points, and I love it all. Why can't a girl have two alt…